I wish you where still here for me .............

Its really sad when you lose someone so close to you. 
It's hard to try and want them back when you really need them right now.
it's especially hard when you lose a loved one when you are a child.






All i remember about my grandmas (Oma Gitty) with her white wispy long hair  and used to wear like chopsticks in it or a big clip to hold it in place  was she always spoilt me rotten ,
When ever i got angry i just use to go next door as she lived right next door to my parents in a block of flats. Before Dinner she gave me all these kitkats  or Mints lol


She used to listen to everything i had to say , She would take me to the park to feed the ducks under that beautiful willow tree. (She called it the Andy Pandy tree)  She use to pick me up from school and and told my teacher off in kindy (gawd)  That's a story for another day OK! 


I think i was about 10 and i remember coming home from school went straight up the driveway through the back gate into the flats and i new something was not right . You see i saw something that looked like two people with a wheel bed and a white sheet with a lump underneath . I heard my mother call me to get inside now! I asked her what happened and why can't i see my Oma??

                                              (Oma Gitty died at aged 70  1911 - 1981  R.I.P )


My mother would not answer me ,my sister took me upstairs to watch telly i  snuck back and listen ed half way sitting on the steps as the front door opened and it was my mother's best friend asking about the flowers for the funeral. I turned to my sister who looked at me and she said . Oma died today.


The day before always plays in my head as it went like this I had some argument with my parents so i ran next door to tell my gran and she was on their side and said maybe you should say "sorry and explain yourself"  Well at 10 i was ~ a real brat and got hot and heavy and said now your on there side  and i started to cry looked at her and said " I hate you and i wish you were dead"!


I never new that my words would happen that very next day.  So after nearly 20 years i needed to see her and say 'I was Sorry" and that i never meant to say such nasty ,haunting words that would echo in my head for so long so last week i went to visit her at the cemetery and give her flowers .

it was really hot the temp was 38 deg but suddenly i felt a chill in me and i knew she was with me and finally forgave me for being a shit of a kid.  I came home and slept and dreamt of her and it was so surreal like she was sitting next to me we hugged and she said "Danielle ~ you are a beautiful lady and everything will be fine and things will eventually work them selves out. I woke up with a tear down my face and smiled and i said yes i know that now oma and thank you x