After doing practically nothing today and just spending most of the day lounging in bed feeling pity ,sorry and what ever else comes to mind. After eating shit loads of crackers,dips,cheese and chocolate then wanting to try and throw it all up.
Bumming around the net ~ I had seen it once before and kept this piece of writing from my niece (who now has her blog set on private). Rachel you wrote this 2 years ago. Maybe you wanted me to find your blog? We saw you some weeks ago we stopped in the junk isle and hugged and chatted for 15 Min's . It was a little awkward i guess you were in a rush with your boyfriend. Also getting ready to go overseas for 1 month.
Yes i often see your mum,,my sister at food shopping sometimes we wave other times we stop for a brief catch up chat. Then we both make excuses as to why we must get a move along............
yes lunch with my mum was OK sort of we didn't really talk my son was there he was acting weird too. Really they where here to find out anything they could i suppose ,but had to rush home just after 1 hour spending time with us more so for her grand daughter.... Why the rush so she could get home as your mum was due there at 2pm! She has a key . Never mind . When you return from over seas we hopefully can talk.
I have actually made an attempt to friend you on many occasion on Face book and you ignore what am i suppose to do Rachel?? You only live 10 min walk from us not once have you come to my door !?
I have so much going on right now that i have no idea where or how to start...........
I shed a tear every time i read this..... Just if only i could let you know everything but for now i can't.
Here is the post from my niece Rachel:~
I'm so confused.
You're so close,
but yet so far.
I see you electronically.
But you don't see me.
You publicize your life to the world,
but won't speak to your family.
You condemn those who try to help,
until they will no longer offer.
You say we weren't there.
But we're here.
We're always here.
You're blocking us out.
You're the victim now?
I wanted to see my cousin grow up.
I don't even know how old she is,
or what she looks like.
I don't think she even remembers me.
I miss her.
I miss you.
But what have you done?
Why are you doing this?
Why does my mother cringe when she hears your name?
Why does a tear fall from my grandmother's eye.
Why do we pretend you do not exist?
Why has this happened?
I miss you, Auntie Danielle.
Just to let you know i miss you too if that counts for anything. Remember their are two sides to every story you have heard your families .It's fair to hear mine soon.
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I am so sorry for you all. I can relate to this in many ways as we have been through a similar thing in my family. You are so right..there are always two sides to every story, and honestly..if Rachel wanted to know yours she would only need to ask and you would share it, so I am guessing that she really doesn't want to know..as much as that hurts to realise..once you accept it, it does help you to move on from it. I read this poem and at first glance it seems like she cares..but I wonder if that's the case because if she did really care, and really wanted to know..she could have accepted one of your friends requests..or simply walked over and even left a note in your letterbox asking to meet up..but hiding behind beautiful words means nothing if you don't mean them. I wish you the best of luck and if you want to mend fences with your family maybe you will have to invite each of them to a lunch all at the same time and just jump in and say your piece in front of all so that there are no misunderstandings..and listen to their words as well..then cleanse things off and go on from there. Good luck..and better luck than I have ever had..because I have found that its easier for some families to simply have one that is easier to blame for things than to face issues and realise that it's not always as it seems..xox
ReplyDeleteSo many of us can relate. Family can be our greatest joy and our greatest.. well fill in the blank sigh
DeleteTHat was a sad blog, that I think most people can relate to, at some time in their lives. People do what they want; and adults in particular cannot be "forced" into helping themselves, or allowing anyone into their lives.
ReplyDeleteBut when you really care, it's hard to stop yourself from continuing. For me, I just started writing light, non-judgmental monthly catch-up notes to a person in my life. I felt that I was reaching out, and that's all I could do.
Just don't blame yourself- you're doing the best you can!
Good luck!
Dannie, I feel for you, obviously this situation is of a long-standing and has pained you greatly. I hope there can be a real reconciliation with your family in the future. Thanks for linking up with I Must Confess this week.
ReplyDeleteSomething that probably shouldn't have to play out online, being that 'online' seems to be part of the issue as perceived by your niece. Perhaps be the older, wiser, more mature, grown adult and either make the first move or don't - but I wouldn't recomment continuing online. She may live only 10 minutes from your house and never come knocking - but that means you too live only 10 minutes from her house and never went knocking either. May it all work out for your family, in person, quickly, and not play out online via blog posts.
ReplyDeleteI don't mean to offend, and I expect to cop criticism from your friends and fans for writing this - but I also read your previous posts well over a year ago, where you were writing about your issues with your older daughter, trying to locate her, reaching out to her (via your blog posts) and trying desperately to reconnect with the daughter you so missed.
Some things should not be played out on blog posts. Not if you're a mature adult who really means what they say in trying to reconnect with these people and make things right.
Best of luck to you and your family.
Writing in poetry form makes things easier to say when it's all muffled up inside your head.... it's how I write, too.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck with your family... know how it goes... been on both sides of the coin and neither is easy.
Dani,
ReplyDelete(((Hugs)))
Kina
Wow that is a hard post to read, so I bet it must have been hard for you to write. Hang in there Dannie - and I agree, there is ALWAYS two sides to every story :)
ReplyDeleteYou are right - there are two sides to every story - I hope that you get to tell your side.
ReplyDeleteHave the best day that you can !
Me
#ConfessionTime visitor
Very sad :( I know nothing of whats going on, but often you have to take the high road on certain things.
ReplyDelete