Wednesday, October 09, 2013
For the last 48 hours i have had shortness of breath. I cough until i feel my throat closes up and tears well in my eyes. I smoke yet again why? Am i bored or is it a habit . Do i do it just for that kick of nicotine?
All of them i think. I slept a lot today or tried to sitting up right was a better position for me.
You would think the other morning it was my last day on all fours gasping for air in the kitchen .
I was doing so well the last time i gave up even if it was only a few days (i could breath clearly )
I miss the smell of smoke bizarre isn't it!
It's not a nice site bringing up bile and chocking as you cough up nothing ,until your lungs begin to be in sheer pain.
But yet i just had to have one and i did then i started to cough uncontrollably ,gasping for that last breath of air . Coffee wouldn't fix it only i can.
my grandfather died of emphysema when i was only four. yet the plain package of cigarettes won't bother me and i know they should . The pictures are just terrible. But i keep going back for more.....
So again tonight my sleep will be short as i will wake up at three in the morning running to the bathroom (so as not to wake the rest of the house) and gasp for air and shake sitting on the cold tiles,to try and calm my self again.
Am i stressed? probably but who isn't now and then.
I know only i can help my self ...... and i really do want to !
Going cold turkey just did not work for me nor do those patches or gum *sigh*
Please tell me if you have been a heavy smoker .... How the hell did you kick the habit?